Category: Sexualities

The Difference Between Bisexuality and Pansexuality

1/30/2019

There are many different subcategories when it comes to sexual identity. But when you don't clearly fit into a "definitive" box, properly understanding yourself and being understood by others is difficult.

Bisexual and Pansexual people are especially affected by this and it can be alienating.

So, my name is Lane Lunsford, and for this blog, I’d like to take a crack at outlining the difference between bisexual and pansexuality clear, but I'd also like to focus on the similar feelings of alienation and loneliness you can share. And why the support group I run here on RESCQU.NET, Bitter/Sweet aims to support people of all sexual identities equally, while still celebrating their subtle differences.

Learn a little more about me and Bitter/Sweet!

Or click to see really cute sloths. That's also a good reason :)

So, what's the difference between Bi and Pan?

First, let’s get our terms straight. It can be a little confusing since these terms are often used interchangeably and there can be overlap between the two identities. We are working with a spectrum here, so this is less about drawing hard distinctions and more about trying to point out, generally, where these identities don’t overlap.

Bisexual pride flag.

Bisexuality

Bisexuality is the romantic and/or sexual attraction to both female and male people. It's usually situated smack-dab in the middle of the spectrum, but many people have preferences.

Some people express their attraction as an active awareness for the traits they prefer in either a person's sex or gender, while others express it as a passive lack of preference for either. The one thing in common, is that bi people can at least hazily define who the are attracted to by a gender or sex.

Pansexual pride flag.

Pansexuality
Pansexuality is the romantic and/or sexual attraction to anybody of any sexuality or gender. It is, sometimes, seen as encompassing a wider range of attraction than bisexuality, but this is arguable.

Where bisexuality refers to attraction to both men and women and makes an attempt to delineate preferences, pansexuality is almost a "lack of". It includes genderqueer, agender, and transgender individuals almost by default. Pansexuality rarely acknowledges the gender binary and for some people that means gender doesn't factor in at all when they see that someone walk in to a room.

I should stress...

I am speaking in the most general way possible when defining these terms. If you identify with one of these sexualities, but don’t feel like parts of the definition apply, don’t worry. These labels are merely concepts used to help people better express themselves and find solidarity in common experience.

If the terms limit rather than empower you, to the flames they go.

Stepping away from the differences...

Despite the differences in these identities, the struggles people face are often similar.

Common Problems
Both Bi and Pan folx are often commanded to “pick a side”; to express a uniform sexual preference. They are also erased in the media, in politics, and sadly, even in some parts of the LGBTQ+ community.
Picking a person to date or live with is paramount to picking that side regardless of what they wanted, and people can often view that behavior as "traitorous", or "growing out of it" depending on the side you're on and who that bi person has agreed to be with.

The tension usually exists because bi and pan individuals can enter into relationships that let them appear completely straight or gay. This helps them go stealth in the hetero-normative and gay communities, but that also means dealing with a constant erasure and stereotyping of their identity.

Bitter/Sweet cake

Bitter/Sweet

This is where Bitter/Sweet comes in.

The name Bitter/Sweet refers to this tension between being able to pass as heterosexual while still dealing with the stress and sadness that comes with being bi or pan. I wanted to facilitate a group that could help anyone within the bisexual+ and pansexual community feel a sense of togetherness and that their identities were valid.

The bi+ community faces unique challenges that can sometimes be overlooked in the larger LGBT+ world. Bitter/Sweet aims to welcome all of those individuals that may be afraid to speak up in other support settings because they have been told their worries and concerns were not as important.

We are here to tell you that your experiences are real and shouldn’t be dismissed. This is a safe community where you will be welcomed to discuss your struggles and find friends who support you. We hope you’ll join us!

If you'd like to sign up and join us at Bitter/Sweet please click here to learn more.

Bitter/Sweet: Bi/Pan Support Group

Author

Lane Lunsford is the Support group facilitator and a writer for RESCQU.NET. She also likes sloths, warm stuffed animals, tattoos, and lending help to others.

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The Problem With the "Born This Way" Argument

11/1/2018

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First of all - Happy (late) National Coming Out Day!

If you associate this with good experiences, I hope you celebrated.

If you do not associate this day with good experiences, I hope you're doing alright and know that RESCQU NET is here for you. This is a tumultuous holiday full of joy for some, and life-changing horror for others, so stay safe, and only come out where you can, and when you can.

Regardless, today is the last day of LGBT+ history month and I'd like to start by revising the pat of LGBT+ rights moving forward into the future, and refute a common but damaging argument we use.

I am going to be talking about the Queen, the myth, the legend: Lady Gaga. And I'm just gonna say before I get into this, that I adore her and love what she has done to strengthen the LGBTQ+ community.

However...

, with the good comes the bad.

On May 23rd (my birthday!), 2011 Lady Gaga graced our eardrums with “Born This Way” (click for lyrics and listening). Her song spurred a movement in the LGBTQ+ community that has stuck. It's still very present in popular culture at virtually every PRIDE festival. The movement is based in the chorus:

I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way
Don't hide yourself in regret
Just love yourself and you're set
I'm on the right track, baby
I was born this way

And this chorus is EMPOWERING. If my “lifestyle” isn’t a choice, nobody can be expected to change me.

This singular sentiment revokes the power of hundreds of arguments for homophobes and transphobes.

But, it's also disenfranchising.

This premise creates a problem...

Is my identity only valid if I cannot change it?

If it were a choice, would I choose to be straight?

My answer is HECK NO.

I love being bisexual and I would choose it a thousand times over. That is what the “Born This Way” movement is failing to recognize. It shouldn’t matter why we are the way we are. People should show other people basic respect.

But the song promotes the idea that gender and sexuality are stagnant traits we gain upon birth, and that do not change over time throughout our lives.

So there's this Scale. It was made by this guy named Alfred Kinsey that tracks the sexuality of people from childhood to late adulthood. Their sexual orientations, gender, sexual interests, kinks. You name it, this guy tried to track it. And it's old and often inaccurate, but it illustrates a VITAL POINT:

Many of us slide around on the Kinsey Scale at least a little bit throughout our lives.

We grow as people emotionally and physically, so it only makes sense that we grow sexually, romantically, and in terms of our gender. As a child you probably didn't have a lot of hard-pulling fascinations with physical sex but had a school-yard crush or two. So if you were "born this way" it invalidates a large swatch of the experiences you, and indeed virtually everyone has had in their lives.

I don’t think I was born bisexual.

I was born a baby and, as I grew into an adult, I grew into bisexuality. What does the “Born This Way” movement say about the pansexual and genderfluid people in the LGBTQ community? The questioning people? The married elderly who discover their attractions have waned for their partners, or increased for same-gender relationshiops?

So, while Lady Gaga is amazing and a goddess, I think that even she gets it wrong sometimes.

If you fall into any of the identities that are cast aside by the “Born This Way” argument, or you happen to be in the shadows during this rainbow month, I invite you to check out RESCQU NET and perhaps join me and/or my friends for a support group session.

Our most recent group, Bitter / Sweet is specifically for Bi/Pan people to share their experiences cast under the radar and into the shadows by their identity. Consider Joining. I know I am.

About Erin Tschudi

Erin is the volunteer with the largest tenure here at RESCQU.NET because it allows her to keep connected with the LGBT+ community. As a bi woman who is soon to be getting married to her future husband she feels deeply for the community and wants to keep that connection. So she works to train our volunteers, welcome our new community members, and keep the wheels turning.

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Why Halloween is Just the Best for Invisible LGBTQ+ People

10/30/2018

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Ghosts and Goblins and Ghouls and Gender Bending Gays all around!

Tomorrow kids will be knocking on your door, and most of the adults will be out to their own parties, dressed in a variety of different costumes from the sexy nurse, to Lumber-Jack Skellington (I'm disappointed the internet doesn't have a picture for that one).â€‹

Halloween is upon us and conveniently, today is also the last day of LGBT+ history month, so in this blog, we'd like to take the time to reflect on the history of Halloween in the LGBT+ community and why this holiday's continued keeping is so important!
â€‹
First, it should be noted:
â€‹Halloween started out as a religious holiday and make no bones about it, it's still sacred for many. Samhain (pronounced Sowwin) was the ancient Celtic religious holiday Halloween is currently known for. Before it's "transition" and absorption within Christian and eventually corporate-culture, it was joined with a variety of other holidays around the fall by mostly northern-European people.

The Italian people still celebrate Borgo a Mozzano throughout the month of October which looks more like Halloween than Samhain did and is the very likely "usurper."

This religious origin to Halloween does need to be respected, as do those who consider tomorrow night holy. But this holiday is nothing like its previous form. It's now considered "#GayChristmas."

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Thair (@forboyslikeme) on Oct 30, 2018 at 7:01am PDT

Halloween's Drag History

It should come as no surprise that a holiday about dressing up resulted in a few "drag" parties. Cross-dressing is an irreverent, but accepted act on this most sacred of days for the LGBT+ community.

In the 1950s-70s when being gay was outlawed, this allowed a kind of "acceptance" to bloom in gay bars and counter-cultural gathering places for the evening.

Starting on the major coasts of the United States, many venues featured dress-up parties for the adults. For the closeted, invisible, gay clubs throughout the cities of San-Francisco, the out-and-proud, bold-and-beautiful drag scene which was often viewed as "a vaudeville stage show" got to shine proudly.

This provided people a space. A space to "negotiate" with the world around them and have a day where they could play with their genders and sexuality and have no recourse.

This grew only more important in the 80's as the AIDS epidemic swept through.

Halloween shifted at that time, from a holiday to play with your identity without stress, to a mardi-gras of sorts. A day to cut loose, to be free, and to experience one's LGBT+ identity but also a day to remember the people who had been lost. The people "who aren't at this party."

From that point forward, Halloween became synonymous with permission to be unabashedly gay. Permission to be trans. Permission to break the hard-and-fast societal rule loud and clear.

Halloween's Global Popularization

Parties, Gay or straight, are fun. Really fun. And they look fun. So they caught on.

Moving into the late 80's and early 90s, American cultural festivities swept the nation and ran across seas. According to CNN, the British grocery store chain, Tesco's sales of pumpkins in 2005, was tripled by 2010, almost entirely because of British people picking up what was mostly a forgotten holiday until families saw Hocus Pocus and Nightmare Before Christmas.

Popular culture - originally gay culture - created a holiday that adults could give their children. It was fun, and most of all - it was consumable. It could sell. Now the holiday is celebrated worldwide in Japan, the UK, the middle east, Africa, everywhere.

LGBTQ+ people the world over now "reap" the same benefits San Francisco did - identity negotiation.

What Halloween Means for Minorities

On any ordinary day, the idea of a man in a dress, or a gender-swapped Dean Winchester is not well regarded at the local grocery store.

Going to a party at a conservative friend's home "looking like a Dyke" is dangerous. For teenagers, cross-dressing or using makeup is reserved for females, and assuming identities beyond that of traditional society is so frowned upon that we require organizations to provide support under the radar, half-way houses and homeless shelters when it goes wrong, and suicide-lifelines specifically for those people who do not conform.

But on Halloween, you're most conservative of the conservative friends are okay with it all. You can go out in public "in drag" you can go out with barely any clothes on at all, you can party and grind on anyone you want, and you have somewhat of a "pass." It's Halloween and therefore expected that you'll assume the identity of someone they believe you're not.

To the LGBTQ+ community, Halloween is a sacred holiday because it observes the hidden identities we want to "try on" alongside our silly costume. We want to be the sexy ass-less chaps cowboy or the naughty nurse - we're allowed.

â€‹And that....is freeing.

But if you can't participate

Participating in this idea of changing who you are to "try on" an identity is called Identity Tourism and it's not reserved for Halloween.

You can also do it online, safely, without your parents knowing.

Come visit our peer support group, "bittersweet" tonight (10/30/18) to discuss how!

If you don't qualify or were late to the party, no worries!

Learn more about identity negotiation here

Or get ready to vote on november 6th with our voting toolkit! Why you may not vote and how to!

Author: Samantha V. Logan

Samantha is the Executive Director of RESCQU.NET, an online Community Manager, and full-stack marketer. She launched Trans* Youth Channel in 2013 to record her transition and help other transgender people online transition safely. She saw a need to protect people who weren't out yet, and transitioned the organization to make the site you see today.

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But Did They Listen? The Impact of Nanette, One Year Later

10/16/2018

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"Where are the quiet gays supposed to go? The pressure on my people to express our identity and pride through the metaphor of party is...intense."

Over the past summer, much of the world has become widely familiar with
Hannah Gadsby’s Netflix special, Nanette.

And for good reason.

After it’s debut in Melbourne, Australia last year, the show has been met with widespread critical acclaim and the response from most minority populations, particularly from the LGBTQ+ and #MeToo communities, showed how powerful and necessary her message was. Even more so when it’s placed in today's political context.

Although it’s marketed as a comedy special, Gadsby’s Nanette delivers far more than laughs.
It’s equal parts heartbreaking raw emotion, intensely personal storytelling, and stunningly artful comedic and critical prose.

So today’s blog, half way into LGBT+ history month, we are reviewing the impact of Nanette and how it's opened doors for LGBT+ communities to share their most silent stories.

So the Question today is:

What is Nanette’s impact months after the show’s finale?

Small Warning Though: If you haven’t seen this show, and you’re in an environment that allows you to do so, go watch it. Bring tissues, and reserve an hour or so to think about it afterward.

For real, you're going to cry. It made me cry.

What is Nanette?

Hannah Gadsby performed the “comedy” special Nanette on stage throughout 2017-2018 in Australia, Europe, the United States, and Canada.

In all cases, audiences went in expecting a traditional stand-up comedy set and were left shaken, inspired, speechless and/or all three.

In fact, Hannah set out to create Nanette as a farewell to comedy. Instead, she used the stage to tell her story the way it had never fully been told - in the most honest fashion possible.

What she presents in Nanette is a harsh look at how comedy has long been a place that encourages humiliation towards oppressed groups of people. What Hahnah has ultimately achieved is a thought-provoking piece of art that continues to inspire marginalized communities the world over, to tell their own stories and break the silent status-quo.

What is the Status-Quo?

Members of the LGBT+ community, too often feel a considerable amount of pressure from society to keep their more heart-breaking stories of discrimination and harsh realities hidden, in an effort not to disrupt heterosexual individuals’ “comfort zones”. ~ Lane Lunsford

LGBT+ people and other minorities are told that we should remain silent and ashamed so others can be eased into the problem, or allow them to ignore it entirely.

We are told, “I don’t have a problem with LGBT+ individuals, so long as you keep it to yourself.”

The U.S military’s “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy from 1994-2011 highlights the level of unease that knowing the details of our lives creates in straight-cis-hetero people.

How Did Nanette Change That Status-Quo?

What Gadsby does in her hour-long special is what so many of us have long sought to do; Communicate our stories un-filtered and un-apologetically in a non-self-deprecating way.

Nanette tells Hannah's story In a way that does not conceal traumatic details. She does not spare outsiders from the discomfort and fear that LGBT+ individuals face in our daily lives.

It’s an inspiring Concept; to proudly share our whole story, not just the edited version mainstream society is willing to hear.

While she specifically targets her fellow comedians and the art of comedy itself for its particularly negative impacts on minorities, her performance represents how we are all taught to bring ourselves down in order shield others from the traumas of our experiences.

We have adapted to the idea that we must suffer in order to increase our creativity, and ultimately, our worth. By sharing her story in its entirety - the good bits and the harsh realities - we see that our power resides in our voices.

Comedians have relied on self-deprecating humor for a long time now. Comedians Use bits and pieces of their personal lives as the building blocks of seemingly harmless jokes.

Gadsby takes those stories further, to point out how often audiences are laughing at parts of a comedian’s life that are deeply troubling. Those “seemingly harmless jokes” stir up memories that are not so harmless, but we as an audience are not asked to consider this further.

Gadsby reminds us over and over again that we are paying for her to make us feel something and to question our own role in her trauma. In this way, Nanette in addition to giving voice to marginalized individuals has also created conversations amongst those who have never thought about the pain they have caused to others.

They are left questioning themselves, rather than having Gadsby resolve those questions for them.

But, did they listen?

Gadsby is not the first comedian to open up so personally about her life. There are plenty of other powerful comedians that push us to question social standards and look at our own actions.

Nanette stands out because of how far it has reached.

Articles on the Washington post, and culture mass. It won an Emmy. Discussions reached Forbes, a business magazine. .

Although the hits are slowing, and criticisms suggest cis-hetero-men are broadly rejecting it, Nanette is still resonating throughout the LGBT+ community as a piece that empowers us to speak up and in this area, it is showing NO signs of stopping.

Our stories are important and our trauma is real. We are not alone in our struggles and it is crucial that we have spaces that lift us up rather than stirring up fear.

RESCQU NET also values your stories and we offer you the support to share your stories, in a closet-friendly manner. Indeed right now, as an invisible community member, you are experiencing these harsh realities and cruel prejudice already.

We are here so that you can discuss your experiences with others and gain resources in our Support group program. So consider attending one!

How to keep yourself Anonymous Online

Why we started a Bi/Pan support group

Author: Lane Ramsay

Lane is the Facilitator of the newly formed Bisexual / Pansexual group Bitter / Sweet. She's spent most of her life counseling troubled youth and the LGBT+ community. She's recently married her husband and experiences the same Bi-erasure she is supporting you with now. Join her group!

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How many conversations does it take to convince people you’re bisexual?

9/15/2018

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4.1% of the US population (minimum) consider
the following questions every day:

When did you know that you're [insert gender here]?
When did you know that you liked [insert gender(s)
you're attracted to]?

If you feel you may be one of those 4.1% I want you to know, up front, I am here for you. This blog is intended to provide you
support, friendship, and the resources you need. You’re not alone.

For the other 95.9% of the population, I’d like to ask:

Have you ever considered having to defend your
sexual preferences before now?
How much thought did you really have to put into it?
Have you ever had to carefully word your answers in fear
of someone responding negatively to them?

“When did you come out?”
...is a frustrating question for a lot of people, including myself and contrary to popular belief, it doesn’t just happen once. As a bisexual woman engaged to a man, this question is never-ending. I usually answer via memorized script:

“I guess I technically came out in the eighth grade to my best friends, I came out in the ninth grade to all non-family, and to my parents my junior year of high school, when I got my first serious girlfriend."

After being “out” for eight years, this is still the best response that I plan to come up with.

I am exhausted from having to think about it so much. It’s like being in one class and having a teacher call on you ten times in a row to answer the same question. Then the teacher is disturbed by your anger the tenth time around when you snap.

I am comfortable with my sexuality, but you need to be comfortable believing that.
Everyone else seems to need more information before I am allowed to call myself “bisexual.” I’m in a relationship with a woman? Clearly, I’ve just chosen a side. I’m in a relationship with a man? Welp, I’m clearly not LGBTQ anymore.

I am not a book to be analyzed or a film to be critiqued, yet everyone seems to have their own opinion based on my actions, rather than just believing how I feel.

This constant parade of questions is mentally exhausting, and emotionally deteriorating.

Blogger McKenna Ferguson explains the effects of this constant doubt best in her piece, “If You’re Going to Mislabel My Bisexuality, Just Don’t Call Me Straight.” She goes through, in excrutiating detail, her problems gaining access to LGBTQ spaces because of being mislabeled.

So, to be clear: I am the B in LGBTQ+, and I need these spaces, too.

It is embarrassing and disheartening to go to a support group and have to defend my right to be there. It’s a place I go for safety and comfort, but it’s almost worse than explaining my sexuality to straight people because there is this sense that I’m trying to invade and even steal away people’s “safe space.”

This problem tends to arise because of people’s understanding (or lack thereof) of bisexuality.
You see, there’s this new phrase floating around: “practicing bisexual.”

It was probably made most famous in an interview between Larry King and Anna Paquin. [the bisexuality comment happens around -11 min]. If you’d rather not watch the clip, here’s the short version:

King insists that Paquin cannot be a practicing bisexual because she’s married. She is clearly uncomfortable with this definition and sticks to her guns that she can be married and bisexual. I am totally with her.I would say that I am a “practicing bisexual” because I am actively alive and bisexual.

I’m not saying that Larry King invented this idea that bisexuals are irrelevant once they're in a monogamous relationship, but he did give it a word and made it more real for people who already were in that mindset. So now, we as bisexual people, have to deal with it.

All of this has added up to one ongoing hurdle bi/pan people deal with: the “out” questions.

To a lot of people, after answering the questions, I am too straight to be gay and too gay to be straight or confused or lying for attention. I am certain that I am not alone in this hurdle.

So if you’re...
questioning your sexuality, if you experience bi-erasure, feel you have no support because people think you don’t belong in the community, or you or someone you know has struggled with this, I have a resource for you:

Consider joining the online support group: Bittersweet. We started it specifically to solve this problem. I sooo wish I had this group when I was discovering my identity and I’m glad you have it now.

You can sign up here. The next meeting is LITERALLY TONIGHT! I'll likely see you there <3

About Erin Tschudi

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Why I Started Bitter/Sweet & How Our First Group Went

9/10/2018

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Hello, my name is Lane....

And despite my constantly busy life, I've never stopped trying to find ways to give a little bit more of my time to under-privileged communities.

I’ve worked as a counselor for troubled youth, I’ve participated in local LGBTQ+ support groups, and in college I ran a queer identified women's' support group called QWEEN (it's still running actually).

And as a married bisexual woman I've experienced more bi-erasure than I could wish on anyone - from both straight and queer communities. Even during my time running QWEEN at college, I can recall more than one instance of being questioned for allowing bi/pan individuals as regular members.

Much of why I feel tension exists within the community about bisexuality is because we do honestly have the privilege of living under the radar. At the time same time, however, that means our identity is usually not acknowledged or given a safe space to exist. It’s a Bitter / Sweet experience.

So about a month ago, Samantha, RESCQU NET's Executive Director, contacted me about a new support group program we're now officially launching next week (18th)!

Based on my previous support group experience, facilitating seemed like a role I could easily step into and a great opportunity to help support the community. I was happy to join the newly formed team.

During our initial talks, we tried to narrow down what direction this group would take and the one that stood out to me personally was leading a group for bisexual individuals who feel their identity is more often than not swept under the rug.

With this group, Bitter / Sweet, I can support Bi and queer people like me, and help the straight individuals in their lives who don’t understand.

As a married bisexual woman I've experienced more Bi-erasure than I could wish on anyone - from both straight and queer communities. ~ Lane Ramsay

As the day of the first meeting grew nearer, my anxiety was building up. I wanted to make sure that this group was successful and that those who reached out would feel secure and safe coming back to each meeting. The hour before the group I was pacing across my living room. My husband had to calm me down and force me to take a few deep breaths.

The group officially began and after some nervous introductions, we jumped right into members detailing stories about their experiences.

There was point about halfway through the meeting when things started to flow more naturally and members felt more comfortable with one another. Questions were asked, advice was given, and thoughts and personal experiences were shared between the group members.

Each person seemed more than willing to open up and I started to see the members form bonds out of their shared experiences. I felt relieved, and happy to see the potential of Bitter / Sweet.

So, can you do us a quick favor?
In an effort to make sure Bitter / Sweet continues we are doing all we can to reach out to the larger community. We need your help to spread the word to those who could also benefit from this space.

The resources shared between members will benefit each person who attends and serve as a reminder that they are not alone, they do exist, and they need resources just like everyone else.

Help us out by Sharing this article, and if you believe in this group like I do, donate $10 dollars to fund our next group!

How to keep your identity hidden online

Why the web is built to out you

Author: Lane Ramsay

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Why the Web is Built to “Out” you, and How You Can Avoid It

9/6/2018

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Since the internet discovered how to monetize social media, websites have become increasingly focused on you - the consumer - and your data as the product.

This has put capturing your data front-and-center for business and the ways it captures that data is rarely clear.

Still, the Facebook real-names policy and the Cambridge Analytica scandal have proven that blindly providing data without consent, is extremely dangerous if you’re an LGBTQ+ person who hasn’t come out yet.

In this blog we’ll explain why the internet is so hungry for your data and at what point capturing your data becomes intrusive. And of course, we wouldn’t be responsible if we didn’t offer some ways for you to handle it at the end.

Before we start, I’d like to say we are not focusing on the technical aspects of your safety.
We have an entire blog dedicated to keeping you safe online.

Here, we’re gonna focus on the marketing tactics that convince you, to hand over your identity.

Most data is actually fine. It’s just used wrong.

To start off, let’s say it straight. Not all data collection is bad - far from it - but you need to know how and when your identity gets into the hands of people who can “out” you.

This starts with intent.

The first thing that pops into people's heads when they hear about others abusing their online data, is the hacker. Humped over their computer, looking at their screen in a dark room, with your bank account information in their “sites”. This is a stereotype, and it’s very wrong.

The notion of a hacker collecting and abusing your data is a stereotype.
In reality, it's really well-meaning companies trying to cater to your consumer needs.

Hackers serve a lot of different roles on the web. Their intent is defined by the "hat" they are wearing when they work. There are white hats, grey hats, and black hats (and yes, you can think of them like Jedi, Grey Jedi, and Sith Lords). Marketing is the same.

Virtually all online fields break down into these categories.

White hat marketers are people who are trying to market to you online with good intentions and ethics at the top of their mind. These people tend to prescribe to the Network Advertising Initiative (NAI) who believe that ads done right, mean ads you care about and want to see, are all you see.

These marketers, and the programmers who build their sites, are geared toward helping you seamlessly attain what you need to go from point A - you need something - to point B - you have it.

To do that, marketers use a variety of “tactics” to get what they need from you without being annoying. Most of these involve the "collection" of “harmless data” called “behavioral tracking”.

To understand how this works, let’s consider the Marketing Funnel.

This is a strategy that suggests you need time to understand what you’re buying. You need to feel comfortable with who your purchasing it from, and make the decision to purchase it.

The idea is:

They will first get your attention,
Then offer a way to stay in contact in exchange for an email or subscription.
They’ll provide a low-ball offer to get you on board and excited,
And hen they’ll provide some information on what they sell.
If you want it, you’ll buy it. And then, hopefully, you'll talk about it.

Each step of the way you provide just a little more data and they'e getting consent to have your data every step of the way.

And this isn't bad.

Our Bisexual/Pansexual support group requires enough information to ensure security for others when you join the group. We have to prove you are who you are, but you are anonymous.

So instead we:

Get your attention to let you know you're traceable online, and show you how to hide,
Offer a weekly digest that provides you all of our resources in exchange for an email,
Publish blogs and deliver content to you with suggestions to join our support groups,
And eventually get you to come to one, enjoy it, and share it with others as a resource.

This works for us as a vetting process for us, and it gives you resources you need without feeling negative about it.

Much of the information websites collect involve this “white hat” level of marketing. A lot of it improves your user experience on the internet, but things get dicey as people begin to follow you around, either to personalize your ads or more devastatingly, sell information about you to ad agencies.

You don’t have control over data collected or it's use

Now let's back up a second.

There’s nothing inherently bad about a website installing a cookie on your computer.

But if that cookie is used by other agencies to identify you, it can be devastating.

A 2014 Time magazine article identified a pregnant woman whose ads discovered she was pregnant before she could tell the father. This is daily life for closeted LGBTQ+ people now, and even with the greatest of precautions...

The internet’s current architecture is built to out you.

In that same Time article, the author tried to remain anonymous on the web about her own pregnancy for all nine months. She didn’t succeed because companies who were tracking her data, were providing that data to companies who had nothing to do with her. She “opted-out” of data collection for one business, but the other businesses she had no idea were watching her, outed her anyway.

This woman was careful. She took greater precautions than we ever recommend, and still, the marketing practices attempting to sell her products she would need, over-zealously outed her as an expecting parent to her friends and family.

According to Andy Yen, “the business model of the Internet today really isn't compatible with privacy. Just take a look at some of the biggest names on the web, and you see that advertising plays a huge role. In fact, this year alone, advertising is $137 billion dollars, and to optimize the ads that are shown to us, companies have to know everything about us.”

So what can you do about it?

So what’s to be done about it?

The answer to what we can do about this is hard. RESCQU NET has been working since 2013 to keep you safe on the internet, but those efforts could only be found in “technology”.

It made sense because it was the only thing you as a closeted, stealth, questioning, or under-resourced LGBT+ person had control of - the device in your hands. You can keep yourself safe by following these rules on our blog about anonymity but we're quickly finding, that's not enough.

As with the reporter who failed to stay anonymous, even after making herself look like a criminal,
this is not everything we can, should, or even must do.

“The business model of the Internet today really isn't compatible with privacy. To optimize the ads that are shown to us, companies have to know everything about us.” ~ Andy Yen

If we are to ensure your safety

we need to be a website that helps you remove your presence from the internet,
by reducing your reliance on the internet.

We will help you move your interactions with LGBT+ resources away from websites, marketing funnels, and emails, and toward unrecorded private channels.

Our online support groups allow you to attain resources in an unrecorded environment. We just started our bisexual/pansexual group, bittersweet, availble September 18th, and it's working well.

We are also committing to changing the way people collect your data by working with our partner organizations to make them more closet-friendly and amenable to anonimity on our resources page.

If you feel lost, need a little extra help, or someone to talk to, consider joining one of our support groups at support.rescqu.net!

Our facilitator Lane created Bitter / Sweet because she was tired of Bi-erasure throwing her into the closet constantly, and she wants to support you too.

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Author: Samantha V Logan

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How does Identity work?

7/4/2016

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Identity is complicated.

Many identities are difficult to describe such as gender. So the LGBTQ+ community has taken to an unfortunately false concept called the #BornThisWay argument that holds our sexualities and genders are genetic.

Now, we've written a whole article on why the #BornThisWay argument doesn't work but we want to take some time today to discuss how it DOES work.

In this infographic we're providing an easier way to explain how your identity develops for friends, family, and others in a simple and easy Info-graphic!

Click image to view larger on Imgur

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Please, Make Cultural Change Happen | The Pulse, Orlando Shooting

6/13/2016

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We want to respond to this shooting, but we want to make sure that education, enlightenment, and greater conversations happen in the midst of this terrible tragedy. This is a cultural issue, and no one solution will help. We need to see this as inter-sectional and recognize what really feeds into this terrible violence so we can begin to work to fix it.

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Good Stories are Powerful Lifelines.

The Difference Between Bisexuality and Pansexuality

So, what's the difference between Bi and Pan?

I should stress...

Stepping away from the differences...

Author

The Problem With the "Born This Way" Argument

This premise creates a problem...

About Erin Tschudi

Why Halloween is Just the Best for Invisible LGBTQ+ People

Halloween's Drag History

Halloween's Global Popularization

What Halloween Means for Minorities

But if you can't participate

Author: Samantha V. Logan

But Did They Listen? The Impact of Nanette, One Year Later

What is Nanette?

What is the Status-Quo?

How Did Nanette Change That Status-Quo?

But, did they listen?

Author: Lane Ramsay

How many conversations does it take to convince people you’re bisexual?

This constant parade of questions is mentally exhausting, and emotionally deteriorating.

About Erin Tschudi

Why I Started Bitter/Sweet & How Our First Group Went

Author: Lane Ramsay

Why the Web is Built to “Out” you, and How You Can Avoid It

Most data is actually fine. It’s just used wrong.

You don’t have control over data collected or it's use

So what’s to be done about it?

Author: Samantha V Logan

How does Identity work?

Please, Make Cultural Change Happen | The Pulse, Orlando Shooting

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