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Good Stories are Powerful Lifelines.

Pronouns and You: Clearing up Confusion so You Can be More Inclusive and Less Awkward

2/27/2019

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Picture of pronouns.Commonly used pronouns
Hi there! My name is Erin and my preferred pronouns are she/her/hers or they/them/theirs. Does this sound familiar? Maybe you’ve heard it in passing and it’s made you question how much it mattered. Couldn’t you have guessed based on my picture and bio? Well, I’m a lucky person in that yes, you probably could have guessed based on my appearance. Yet there are many people out there that this isn’t true for.

I wrote this blog as an introduction to pronouns for those who are unfamiliar or uncomfortable navigating them.

Sex vs. Gender

Before we dive in, I do want to touch on the subject of sex vs. gender.

“Sex” refers to a person’s biological makeup. This includes body parts, chromosomes, and hormones. “

Gender” refers to how a person presents themselves. This includes many things like clothes, hairstyle, makeup, and mannerisms.

This is the most simplistic explanation of the two. If you want a more detailed explanation, read this article from Planned Parenthood.
Gender Unicorn chartGender Unicorn. Credit to TSER.
Gender Identity and Expression

To understand pronouns, it is important to understand gender identity and gender expression.

A person’s gender identity is how they feel in relation to the world. For example: I identify as a woman, so my pronouns are she/her/hers and I also feel comfortable with they/them/theirs.

I express myself in a feminine manner - I wear makeup, have long hair, and shop in the women’s section for my clothes.

This is part of what makes me lucky; my assigned sex, gender identity, and gender expression all line up in a way that is socially agreed upon and therefore, you can probably guess my pronouns by looking at me.

Some Pronouns to Know

There are a plethora of pronouns that people use today, but I will go over the most common ones below:
  • She/her/hers - woman
  • ​He/him/his - man
  • They/them/theirs - nonbinary/agender/gender fluid
  • Ze/hir/hirs - nonbinary/agender/gender fluid

These are the pronouns that I hear the most in my life, but the list goes on and on. For more, see this article.
Pronouns in Practice

Now, it’s great that you understand these terms in theory. But, how do you apply them in real life? You can no longer just look at someone and know how to describe them. How do you figure out what their pronouns are?

A general rule of thumb to use is this:

Do you interact with this person enough that knowing their specific pronouns is relevant? You don’t need to ask a random person you bumped into on the bus about their pronouns.

However, a new friend that you see on the bus every day might appreciate that you care. If you feel uncomfortable asking, try starting with your pronouns and going from there. If it is just way too uncomfortable at the start to ask what a person’s pronouns are, try using neutral pronouns for the short term.
Conclusion
Mistakes are not the end of relationships. This is important because everybody makes mistakes. 
The important thing is that you quickly correct yourself and move on. Do not dwell on that one word until everyone gets uncomfortable. Work to be better in the future and all will be forgiven.

This was an introduction to pronouns, but if you want to discuss this further, please check out RESCQU NET’s “I have ?’s” group!

Erin Dawn

Writer and Volunteer for Rescqu.net. Rises in the east

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Op-Ed: This  West Virginian Lawmaker plainly implied he would commit a hate crime if his children were gay. HOW?!?

2/20/2019

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Eric Porterfield is a name that many of you have probably heard by now.

He’s the Republican lawmaker who recently made headlines with his commentary on the LGBTQ+ community being a “modern-day version of the Ku Klux Klan.” 

Given President's day yesterday was celebrating a rather horrifying symbol for most minorities, I'd like to take the time to discuss this "lawmaker's" comments in depth. 

I've linked the section on LGBTQ+ identities here, and the full interview is provided below.

Prepare to throw your device out the window...
TW warning: Implied LGBTQ+ hate violence

Angry Yet?

This made my stomach drop. 

His outward hatred of gays and lesbians is also accompanied with the symbol of trumps presidency crowned upon his head. 

His comments are an active reminder of how many other people share his dangerous beliefs.  This hatred is becoming common. There is a growing group of individuals who have been emboldened by the current administration to encourage hatred and violence towards minority groups.
Picture: Eric Porterfield comments to the WVVA reporter that he would drown his kids if he discovered they were gay. link: https://wvva.com/news/top-stories/2019/02/10/delegate-porterfield-stands-by-his-statements-regarding-the-lgbtq-community/
Porterfield even went as far as to imply that he would drown his own children should they come out as gay or lesbian and did so with a grin on his face (pictured right). ​​​

It's particularly troubling though that so many of them, Eric Porterfield included, think of themselves as victims rather than recognizing their accountability in the oppression of others.

They see the movements towards equal rights as taking away from their piece of the pie, instead of seeing the reality of people simply trying to improve their quality of life and come out from under the fear and discrimination they have faced.

It’s absurd for those who have been on the receiving end of discrimination for our identities to hear from those in positions of privilege that our fight for equality is somehow threatening. 
Porterfield's extremist supporters are harmful to the progress of our community because they attempt to silence and devalue our struggles. 

Porterfield has since been asked to resign, but is showing of no signs of doing so.  He continues to stand by his statements.

We must keep in mind that he still has a strong backing in the very conservative 27th district of West Virginia. 

So why would he feel the pressure to back down? His supporters feel safe vocalizing and acting upon their own dangerous philosophies and they no-doubt feel empowered by the lack of consequences they see him facing. 

So what can we do?

We can use this as fuel to empower ourselves too.

​It’s moments like these that we must work harder to bring each other up and realize how important our support is to one another. It’s easy to become discouraged, exhausted, and distant during times of strife, but at the end of the day we have to stand together if we have any hope of achieving our goals of a more equal and loving society.   
​
So, if you're out and able, or you're an ally, we strongly recommend you share this blog, and our resource database to others so they can have the tools they need to combat "parents" like Mr. Porterfield.  

If you are a child with a Porterfield parent - we're here for you. 
Share our Resources Page!
Picture: Eric Porterfield comments to the WVVA reporter that he would drown his kids if he discovered they were gay. link: https://wvva.com/news/top-stories/2019/02/10/delegate-porterfield-stands-by-his-statements-regarding-the-lgbtq-community/If you're curious for some horrible reason, the full interview is here


Picture

This Op-Ed was written by Lane Lunsford

Lane is our support group facilitator for the support group Bitter/Sweet.  She is also an advocate for bisexual people and a body piercer for her local tattoo shop.  She adores sloths, and her husband.

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The Importance of Inclusive Sex Ed

2/14/2019

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Comet heart shooting on rainbow.Credit to NYU local for the image.
Valentines Day!

It’s Valentine's Day and love is in the air, but it isn’t all chocolate and roses. Valentine’s Day can be a hard time for folks in the LGBTQ+ community. You’re sold a straight-focused idea of romance at every turn. For those of us whose love doesn’t read like a Hallmark card, these festivities can be a source of frustration and isolation.

For this blog, I’d like to discuss some resources you can use to practice intimacy in a safe and healthy way.

Love of all Kinds
Possibly the best quality of love is that, despite the media’s focus on heterosexuality, there are as many ways to express affection as there are people on Earth.
Everyone does relationships and intimacy differently, so let’s celebrate those differences by talking about sex ed!

No matter where you fall on the gender & sexuality spectrum, whether you’re kinky or not, monogamous or polyamorous, quality sexual education vital to any healthy relationship.
The State of Sex Ed

Some aspects of sexual health seem like common knowledge: birth control, informed consent, masturbation, and STI prevention. The truth is that knowledge you may take for granted is being suppressed in many public schools. 

A recent study from the Guttmacher Institute shows that, in the last 20 years, fewer teens are being given comprehensive sex ed. 

In 2013, at least 57% of adolescents in the U.S. didn’t receive any information about birth control before having sex for the first time, and abstinence-only sex ed is on the rise.

Resources for Teens & Young Adults

How can you be expected to make safe, healthy choices about your bodies and your relationships if you’re not being given the tools to understand them? If you plan on having sex, you may have to look outside your school or your parents for necessary information. Here are some resources you can use.
LOGO FOR SCARLETEENScarleteen Logo
Scarleteen

Scarleteen is an organization that’s been providing sexuality & relationship education for over 20 years. They are committed to diversity and queer inclusivity and offer a wide variety of educational services.

SEX ETC LOGOSex etc. logo
Sex, etc.

Sex, etc. is written by teens, for teens, with many queer-inclusive resources.

LOGO FOR PLANNED PARENTHOODPlanned Parenthood Logo
Planned Parenthood

Planned Parenthood is well-known, but still worth mentioning.This organization stands at the forefront of advocacy for accessible reproductive healthcare, education, and a variety of services that aren’t strictly medical in nature.

LOGO FOR ICYCICYC logo
ICYC

ICYC (In Case You’re Curious) is a text-based chat service that can give you quick, confidential answers to questions you may have about sexual health. Currently, ICYC serves Colorado, Wyoming, New Mexico, and Nevada.

Adult-Focused Resources

Even if you got better than average sex ed in school, it more than likely neglected issues particular to the LGBT+ community. For adult audiences, there are still resources that dig deeper into topics such as disability and sexual health, kink, polyamory, and more.
LOGO FOR QUEER SEX EDQueer sex ed logo
Queer Sex Ed

Queer sex ed is devoted to exploring healthy, fun sex outside the box, including explorations into the broad range of forms desire can take, consensual kink, and navigating asexuality/aromanticism in relationships.

MORE THAN TWO'S FOUNDER'S BOOK COVERCover of Veaux's book, "More than two"
More Than Two

Franklin Veaux’s More Than Two discusses all the ins and outs of polyamory, and how to ensure the needs and desires of every participant are being addressed.

And for people of all ages. RESCQU.NET!

Picture
And For People of All Ages, RESCQU!

Want more on queer sex ed? RESCQU.NET is building a database of LGBTQ+ and queer-friendly organizations, including many of those referenced in this article (and more!)

​Queer Sex Ed’s slogan is: pleasure is a basic human right. Whatever pleasure looks like to you, arm yourself with the resources to indulge your passions to the fullest! Stay safe, stay sexy, and happy Valentine’s Day. 
❤

Charlie Quinn

Writer/volunteer for Rescqu. Basically Cupid if Cupid cared about healthy relationships.
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