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Good Stories are Powerful Lifelines.

The Difference Between Bisexuality and Pansexuality

1/30/2019

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There are many different subcategories when it comes to sexual identity.  But when you don't clearly fit into a "definitive" box, properly understanding yourself and being understood by others is difficult.  

Bisexual and Pansexual people are especially affected by this and it can be alienating.

So, my name is Lane Lunsford, and for this blog, I’d like to take a crack at outlining the difference between bisexual and pansexuality clear, but I'd also like to focus on the similar feelings of alienation and loneliness you can share. And why the support group I run here on RESCQU.NET, Bitter/Sweet aims to support people of all sexual identities equally, while still celebrating their subtle differences.

​
Learn a little more about me and Bitter/Sweet!
Or click to see really cute sloths.  That's also a good reason :)

So, what's the difference between Bi and Pan?

First, let’s get our terms straight. It can be a little confusing since these terms are often used interchangeably and there can be overlap between the two identities. We are working with a spectrum here, so this is less about drawing hard distinctions and more about trying to point out, generally, where these identities don’t overlap.
A picture of the bisexual pride flag.Bisexual pride flag.
Bisexuality

Bisexuality is the romantic and/or sexual attraction to both female and male people. It's usually situated smack-dab in the middle of the spectrum, but many people have preferences.

Some people express their attraction as an active awareness for the traits they prefer in either a person's sex or gender, while others express it as a passive lack of preference for either.  The one thing in common, is that bi people can at least hazily define who the are attracted to by a gender or sex.

A picture of the pansexual pride flag.Pansexual pride flag.
Pansexuality
Pansexuality is the romantic and/or sexual attraction to anybody of any sexuality or gender. It is, sometimes, seen as encompassing a wider range of attraction than bisexuality, but this is arguable.

Where bisexuality refers to attraction to both men and women and makes an attempt to delineate preferences, pansexuality is almost a "lack of".  It includes genderqueer, agender, and transgender individuals almost by default. Pansexuality rarely acknowledges the gender binary and for some people that means gender doesn't factor in at all when they see that someone walk in to a room.

I should stress...

I am speaking in the most general way possible when defining these terms. If you identify with one of these sexualities, but don’t feel like parts of the definition apply, don’t worry. These labels are merely concepts used to help people better express themselves and find solidarity in common experience. 

​If the terms limit rather than empower you, to the flames they go.

Stepping away from the differences...

Despite the differences in these identities, the struggles people face are often similar. 

Common Problems
Both Bi and Pan folx are often commanded to “pick a side”; to express a uniform sexual preference. They are also erased in the media, in politics, and sadly, even in some parts of the LGBTQ+ community.
Picking a person to date or live with is paramount to picking that side regardless of what they wanted, and people can often view that behavior as "traitorous", or "growing out of it" depending on the side you're on and who that bi person has agreed to be with. 
​
The tension usually exists because bi and pan individuals can enter into relationships that let them appear completely straight or gay.  This helps them go stealth in the hetero-normative and gay communities, but that also means dealing with a constant erasure and stereotyping of their identity.
Picture of cakeBitter/Sweet cake
Bitter/Sweet  

This is where Bitter/Sweet comes in.

The name Bitter/Sweet refers to this tension between being able to pass as heterosexual while still dealing with the stress and sadness that comes with being bi or pan. I wanted to facilitate a group that could help anyone within the bisexual+ and pansexual community feel a sense of togetherness and that their identities were valid.

The bi+ community faces unique challenges that can sometimes be overlooked in the larger LGBT+ world. Bitter/Sweet aims to welcome all of those individuals that may be afraid to speak up in other support settings because they have been told their worries and concerns were not as important.

We are here to tell you that your experiences are real and shouldn’t be dismissed. This is a safe community where you will be welcomed to discuss your struggles and find friends who support you. We hope you’ll join us!

If you'd like to sign up and join us at Bitter/Sweet please click here to learn more. 

Bitter/Sweet: Bi/Pan Support Group

Author

Lane Lunsford is the Support group facilitator and a writer for RESCQU.NET.  She also likes sloths, warm stuffed animals, tattoos, and lending help to others.  

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Martin Luther King Jr's Ideology and the Queer Community

1/23/2019

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Over Martin Luther King Jr. day, the LGBT+ community got to "celebrate" by hearing the news that transgender military members would not be protected from President Trump’s trans military ban.

The timing of this violation rather struck us on a day that celebrates diversity and civil rights.


So let’s talk about that...

Engage in the conversation with us on this post if you like!

Peaceful Protest and Inter-sectional Activism

Martin Luther King Jr. was known for his staunch belief in peaceful protest; non-violent actions and demonstrations in order to incite change and awareness.  And his arguments were often inter-sectional.  His message burned brightly and inspired LGBTQ+ activists from that point forward.

While not every activist in the 1960’s was friendly to black people, many black and white voices united for LGBTQ rights.

Before Stonewall was the BCSL protest (Black Cat Demonstration in Silver Lake).

At the time of Stonewall, kissing a same-sex person in public warranted a sexual offense
in California. Activists gathered to respond to an unjust police raid on New Year’s Day where many people were arrested for kissing their partners. 
Want to learn more about queer history and vocabulary? Visit...
Picture: Transwhat? A guide towards allyship Link: http://transwhat.org/
An educational glossary of popular and new LGBT+ terms.
Picture: GLSEN Link: https://www.glsen.org/
An education organization for educating you on LGBTQ+ history, current events, and more.
And find more resources, just like this in our Resource Database! 

King's influence in future LGBTQ movements

Picture: The NTTCN staff at work. Link: https://www.nqttcn.com/The NTTCN staff at work!
​While the Stonewall riots are only loosely connected to King in concept, it warrants discussion
when LGBTQ and black rights are on the table. Black queer people have been contributing to King’s dream of equality since day one.

Although Stonewall was not a peaceful protest, it helped build a foundation for all people to be safe regardless of color, gender or sexuality.  It started with a black trans woman's shoe.

In 1969, Marsha P Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, among many others, were victims to a string of
wrongful raids in gay bars and other safe spaces.

Johnson, a black trans*woman, is most often credited with being the first to resist the police violence that night, which included exposing people’s genitals and groping lesbians.

​After the riot Johnson and Rivera founded STAR, which helped young, homeless transgender people—with a focus on black youth—get off the street.

TheTrans Therapists of Color Network carries on STARs work and specializes in inter-sectional therapy to ensure black and other under-served communities get the mental healthcare they deserve. You can find them on our resource database.

King's Spirituality and Religious LGBTQ people

​King believed in community and non-violence to the point of being arrested and jailed several times at demonstrations where he wrote the famous Birmingham Letter.

His spirituality influenced his identity greatly as an activist. The second Selma march was punctuated by King stopping when met with state troopers to kneel and pray.  He is quoted as saying “the holy spirit revives my soul again”.

Many LGBTQ people struggle with reconciling their faith and sexuality or don’t know where to start if they come to realize they are a spiritual person.

The Unitarian Universalist Organization, a national spiritual community who championed MLK's work in civil rights as part of their doctrine, also strongly LGBTQ activism and provide a safe place for any person struggling with housing, religious conflict, or finding community.
I'd like to end this by saying we've mentioned a lot of resources and I'd be remiss as the resource database coordinator if I didn't say you can find ALL of these resources on our database here.

About the Author: Ricki Palmisano

Ricki is the Database coordinator for RESCQU.NET. She vets and establishes partnerships with organizations to ensure closet-friendly resources are in the database.
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Let's talk about mental health in the  LGBTQ+ Community

1/16/2019

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PictureTwo people excitedly fight for healthcare in America.Two people excitedly fight for healthcare in America.
In Capitalist Realism, the social critic Mark Fisher said the focus on discussing mental health in purely biochemical terms works hand-in-hand with its depoliticization.

Most people who experience mental health problems will find the  discussion of mental health in purely biochemical terms familiar, and it can be helpful in de-stigmatizing mental health; “I’m not choosing to be depressed, the chemicals in my brain make me depressed.”

But, I have an issue with this that I’d like to talk about in this blog:

Only talking about mental health in medical terms can be harmful to the LGBTQ+ community.
Social and political conversations get closed off when we speak about mental health biologically because the “problem” becomes isolated to the individual’s brain chemistry.  And in the process, we ignore the social and political realities those conditions are a part of. 

​Mental Illness in the Queer Community

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI);
  • ​Members of the LGBTQ+ community are 3 times more likely to experience mental health issues, such as depression and generalized anxiety disorder than straight people.

  • LGBTQ+  youth are 3 times more likely to commit suicide and engage in self-harm. Somewhere between 38%-65% of trans individuals experience suicidal ideation.

  • Between 20-30% of the LGBTQ+ community abuse hard drugs, compared 9% of the general population. 25% of the LGBTQ+ community abuses alcohol, - double the general public’s 5-10%.

​Members of the LGBTQ+ community also experience “minority stress.”

Minority stress is a kind of constant anxiety that minorities feel due to constant awareness of their actions. Are they drawing too much attention to themselves? Are they representing their community? Do they have reliable social support?

Are they in danger?

Constant minority stress (obviously) leads to worse mental health issues.

Progress has been made to reduce minority stress, but constant diagnosis’ of the LGBT+ community ignores the nature of LGBT+ people’s environmental stresses.  In other words, the discussion of mental health as a biological issue has built a stigma that has been used in turn, as a tactic by LGBTQ+ rights opponents to remove power from our identities.
Banner for the Fund The Database Campaign from RESCQU.net

Politics and Mental Health

So we’ve been talking pretty up-in-the-air here, but let’s get real:

 The diagnosis and treatment of mental health issues carry undeniable political impact for the minority people who are diagnosed.

While being diagnosed on its own is overall an empowering thing for an individual, there is a power-exchange between the prescribing doctor and the patient, in the diagnosis.

It is fundamentally a political act to determine whether certain behaviors are acceptable or in the bounds of illness and whether people should be allowed to live freely given that condition.

To declare someone “mad” is to remove agency from their life. Leveraging mental health diagnosis’ has been a longstanding tactic of maintaining the status quo, and the strategy has become more potent with the medicalization of mental health in the early 20th century.

Feminists and civil rights activists have been famously institutionalized for their political activity, but in the case of the LGBTQ+ community, the focus has been on declaring someone to have a mental disorder— not for acting a certain way, but for being a certain way.

For a long time, having a “gender dysphoria” diagnosis preemptively closed off the possibility of political action because it was a mental health condition.

Until 1973, being gay, lesbian, or bisexual was officially considered a mental illness. It was only in 2013 that the term gender dysphoria came to replace the term Gender Identity Disorder in the DSM, which was done to help align psychiatric practices with the aim of helping trans folk with their mental health rather than treating being trans in itself as a mental disorder.

Being queer was forcibly depoliticized which made it appear politically neutral.

2 examples
           
A current example of this forced neutralization can be seen in the conversation around transgender bathroom rights. Opponents of these rights often close trans folk out of the discussion entirely by attributing their trans status to a dangerous or contagious disorder or sexual deviancy.


We also see this issue in conversion therapy. While it’s not recognized as a legitimate psychiatric practice, the message inherent to conversion therapy is that “being gay needs to be fixed rather than understood as an identity.”

In each case, psychiatric practice is used to transform a social issue into an individual one and then as a clear “problem” to be solved with that person.

And because  LGBTQ+ youth are much more susceptible to this loss of power and identity the risk is magnified horrifically.

If this occurs, the political and social realities leading to widespread anxiety in young minorities would be closed off to the conversation. They would lose their voice and with it any hope of a political solution.

They would lose any platform for managing their own identities.

Politicizing LGBTQ+ Mental Health

When the prevalence of mental health issues for members of the LGBTQ+ community and the messy political history of psychiatry, are taken together it shows a clear need for a more forward political discussion.  

Now again, the biochemical discussion of mental health is useful for helping members of the LGBTQ+ community individually. We need a proper medical vocabulary to help diagnose what problems exist within one’s brain chemistry and prescribe treatments for the symptoms.

BUT

If the discussion ends there we are left with a system that atomizes mental health, closes off the possibility for political change doesn’t approach minority stress, and renders the LGBTQ+ community captives to pharmaceutical solutions.
Politicizing the constant anxiety and depression associated with being queer is a necessary step in queer liberation. These collective illnesses demand collective action.

Maintaining a purely scientific, biochemical discussion of mental health silences this collective action. We must treat medicalization as a political tool for reforming the social needs of marginalized communities instead of repressing them.

Dylan T. Clark

Writer and editor for Rescqu.net. Mostly sparkles.

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What We Plan to do This Year, and Why Funding it is Vital

1/3/2019

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Over the course of the past 6 years RESCQU.NET has been trying to get ourselves stable footing because it's hard to convince traditional LGBT+ funding organizations that closeted people can be catered to - let alone that it can greatly impact emergency organizations.

But this year is different. 

2018 marked a come-back.  We experienced an explosion in readers, viewers, and attention on the closeted, questioning, and stealth communities. Organizations have sought more connections this year than in the past two.  The quality of the organizations has also increased.

So in 2019 I'd like to take some time to put forward our plans for the 2019 year,
And it sums up with one word: STRENGTH.

Goal #1:  Strengthen our Resource Database

Partnering with other organizations is time consuming, arduous and takes a lot of volunteers.

After hiring our resource coordinators Ricki and Charlie we spent a long time discussing the program's future.

So our plan is just going to be to fill it to make it a better resource for all of you.

Then we'll be focusing on increasing the level of partnership interaction we have with these organizations using the closet-friendly program: a program that incentivizes organizations to change the way they interact with their audiences and make it more amenable for people who want to remain anonymous for any reason. 
Picture: What if 1000 dollars could connect 200 LGBT+ organizations with countless closeted people?  #FundTheDatabase Link: https://www.rescqu.net/fundthedatabase
Why you should contribute to this goal: 
We don't collect much user data. But we do have a ticker that counts enters and exits.

So we know for a fact that we get between 150-200 hits on the database per day and each lasts between 3-6 minutes.  That means the database, in its current incomplete format is already providing one resource every 40 minutes on average.  

That's useful.  That's a LOT of people.

And if we can increase it's accuracy, it's reach, and it's support we could increase the rate at which resources are provided.


You can donate here to help us make this a reality:
Fund The Database

Goal #2: More Consistent Support Group Attendance

One of the most sought-after programs we had in prior years was the support group program. 

But it never happened until last year.  It took years to get the technology, leadership, and facilitators in place. 

So when we did get it into place we were a little taken aback at how little it was utilized.  

We know what we did wrong though.  Advertising and reducing the hurdles to attend are our number one and number two positions.  We have to be careful with these tasks moving forward, but we genuinely feel that these support groups can make for a powerful connection to community for a great amount of people.  

So we'd appreciate your help by spreading the word about our support groups. 
Bitter/Sweet Bi/Pan Group
I have ?s General Support Group
Why you should contribute to this goal: 
Support groups are often one of the best ways for people to get over the hurdles that stop them from doing things emotionally.  A nonprofit can reach out and provide as many resources as possible, but you can't make a horse drink.  

At a support group people can feel more comfortable, and become a part of a community that guides them more, without pressuring them.  They are places where you can "feel" your identity - not just express it.  

So the more support groups we have for questioning, closeted, and stealth people, the more high-quality support we can put into delivering our resources.  They can be an active community.  

And there is no way that isn't worth it. 

Goal #3:  Announcing our Whisper Community! 

If you've made it this far down this post, I just want to say thank you.  

It's clear that you care a lot about the impact that RESCQU.NET has made in your life.  And that is empowering to all of us.  

But what we wanted to provide more was a sense of ACTIVE community.  

Prior to 2017 our communities were a mailing list.  "interaction" happened through our youtube team on Trans Youth Channel, in emails, and private communications and you couldn't really call it empowering.  

But this year we are officially launching our upcoming Whisper community, and we'd like you to be a part of it!

It's currently up for you to join at this link, but we will officially launch it around the beginning of march :) 
Join our Whisper Community!
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